i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Randomize