Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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