Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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