We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
