I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
