What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
