My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
