I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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