what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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