i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
