Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
