Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This is my gift to your gina
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
