So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
