u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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