I'm eating all of the evidence.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
40s are totally the cure
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
