I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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