I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
