Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
