how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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