Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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