hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
