So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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