Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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