wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
