y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
