My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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