i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
