I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
did i walk over a car last night?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
