2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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