The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
