New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
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