There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The best revenge is premature balding
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I enjoy the company of your penis
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
