I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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