dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
