I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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