Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
