Having a random hookup so left but love u
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
