Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
