I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
