Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
