just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you win again, gameday.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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