If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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