My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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