Me. At least after what I've been through.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
