Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
