none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
