So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
