Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
