I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize