So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
