I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just pynch a tree in the face
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
