My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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