If that was your dad, he is hot
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
