By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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