That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize