I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize