we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I had to cum in my sink.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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