I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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