he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
