I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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