ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Found the puke drawer
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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